How Counselling Improved my Marriage

Hello, my name is David and this is my new blog. I have been married for 25 years. My wife and I married when we were 18 years old so we had a lot of learning to do as we got older. Like any relationship, our marriage has had its ups and downs. However, last year, we had a real tough patch and I thought we might end up divorcing one another. Thankfully, this did not happen. The thing that saved our relationship was a recommendation by a friend that we sign up for counselling. The therapist helped my wife and I to truely understand the dynamics of our marriage and we have been much happier ever since.

When Is it Wise to try Restoring Emotional Intimacy after Your Spouse has Cheated?


Infidelity is one of the most severe emotional blows that a relationship can suffer. It is the partner who was cheated on that sustains most of the psychological damage, and in most cases, it ends relationships and even marriage. While most people are of the opinion that cheating is cheating regardless of the circumstances, relationship experts tend to think otherwise. Many of them recommend for the couple to explore the underlying factors which may have made the other partner look another direction. As tricky as forgiveness sounds, it is possible with the right guidance from a couple's therapist.

Self-exploration grounds

Some people get into serious relationships and even marriages before they have determined what their true sexuality is. Your spouse may have strayed because they once kissed a person of the same sex in college and since then, they have always wondered whether it is possible they are gay or bisexual. If they are willing to admit that this is the reason behind their straying, you need to find out whether they have settled these suppressed issues before deciding to let them go.

In case they have realised that that is not who they are, you could work to restore the ruined trust. However, you cannot rush or guilt them into ending their self-exploration because it will rear its ugly head somewhere down the road. Also, if they feel more comfortable in same-sex situations, you will have no option than to let them go and support their decision. 

Their emotional state at the time of cheating and circumstances

There are two ways you can look at this factor. Consider a situation where you had a massive fight with your spouse, and they left the house stressed. Many drinks later, the bartender is starting to sound supportive emotionally, and they end up making one bad decision. If it is a mistake that they regret and it happened once, then you could try and work things out. On the other hand, some people are addicted to the thrilling nature of affairs, the sneaking around and the fear of getting caught. Forgiving them for the one you have found out does not mean they will not be compelled to do it again to spice up their lives.

The best way to handle cheating in a relationship is to assess the underlying causes. If both parties feel they can look past it, couples counselling could help achieve emotional healing.


4 October 2018